I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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