if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
