I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
