OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
