So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
