Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
