My nipple is on Facebook.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
