yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
