i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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