Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
