Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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