Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
