at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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