True but thats because hes a fetus.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
