Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
