your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
