we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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