More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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