Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
