was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
