wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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