Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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