rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
BRING THE BAGELS
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
