If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
