How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
