I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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