yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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