wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
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Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
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They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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