Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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