i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
