had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
