there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
