Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
