there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dicks are not precious.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
