Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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