Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
