you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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