Say something about gay babies.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
