you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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