Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
