why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
