Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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