i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
