Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
