hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
