fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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