I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
