third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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