So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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