I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
