Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
