He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
