Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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