Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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