Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
