At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
