Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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