Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
