Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
