WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
