my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
