Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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