Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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