I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
