All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
