One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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