That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
