I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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