Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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