I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
