Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
