found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
50% drunk capacity currently
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
