There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
