3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
