bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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