i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
