please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
