her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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